How Could This Happen To Me?
by Akanesi
Summary: Set during the death scene of 'The Last Of The Time Lords'. The Master looks back on his life and thinks of the present. "I'm ready to give you my freedom; now give me yours." The Master's POV. Reviews returned.


_I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light_

You're rising up; growing taller than me every second. It's my worst fear realised: you above me; controlling me; making me your own.

_  
I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight_

I can't remember anything. I'm yours... and that's exactly what I don't want to be. I want to be free. But I can't see how I got here; I can't see why I would. I can't see why I would hut you.

_And I can't STAND the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't STAND the pain_

And the drums in my head are getting louder, so loud; And they're almost too much to endure. I've always had them and I can't make them stop; I can never make them stop.

_How could this happen to me  
I've made my mistakes  
got nowhere to run_

And how did I get here? What did I ever do to deserve this? I'm in your control. But I have to control what's around me; I have to. And now I can't. And it hurts.

_  
The night goes on as I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life_

And you, Doctor. You went on without me; after the Time War, after everything had been done and the last words had been said and when I "died" you didn't stop like you had said you would, you didn't scream like you said you would, you didn't and therefore you lied and therefore I hate you.

_  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me  
_

I can't make people understand. I've been around humans for so long I've forgotten how to communicate with them; I've started to view them as people. And I can't deal with that, especially not now.

_  
Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me_

I can't make people listen. I try and try and try but they don't hear me. I scream even for you Doctor, but you're not there when I need you. You're never there.

_  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again_

I can feel myself going, very slowly but it's there. I'm falling, calling out to my greatest enemy and you are hearing nothing; whether by choice or by design; you don't respond.

_  
So I try to hold  
On to a time when  
Nothing mattered_

The only thing that keeps me here are my memories. With you controlling me I finally look back at the home world. The trees of silver and the mountains of gold where we ran, laughing. Nothing mattered then; we didn't have a care in the universe. We didn't want to leave; get up to the stars. We were happy where we were; we were at peace.

_  
And I can't explain  
What happened and I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't_

And even I don't understand everything I'm saying. I can't hear myself think. I'm outside, like I've been thrown into the cold and the door has been slammed behind me. I don't think at all; I just am and even that is flying away from me.

_How could this happen to me  
I've made my mistakes  
got nowhere to run_

And I know what is happening but I can't connect. I can't watch as I threaten you with destruction; as I hand over the device; as the earth shakes and as you ignore yet again my need to be rescued.

_  
The night goes on as I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life_

And now I'm fading. You're saying something; about not being able to go on. I laugh, knowing where I've heard that before. I don't trust you now; not after you abandoned me. Not after you hurt me.

_  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

And I want to fall back into the memories but you aren't letting me. You're holding on; pulling at me but I don't want to come back.

_I've made my mistakes  
got nowhere to run_

I've got no where to go anymore; so why won't you let me go? You understand the need for freedom better than anyone, so why do keep me here with the threat of imprisonment?

_  
The night goes on as I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life_

As I think this to you I can feel your grip loosening. I urge you to let me go; that this is what I want and I'll be happier. You argue that it's not what you want and that after everything that's happened you won't be able to go on without me; not this time. You say that more has happened and you've lost again.

But I have to go and you understand, don't you? Neither can have true freedom while the other exists. I'm ready to give you my freedom; now give me yours, Doctor.

I feel empty as you release me; but happy. I'm gone, we're both free.

_I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

I sit here now watching you; looking back on your life. I see your pain; and I rejoice.

The speeding of time through the fireplace is mine; the push on the lever is mine; the saving of the cult is mine; the reunion shot is mine; the separation is mine; and the final act to leave you utterly alone is mine.

For all eternity alone.

And scared.


End file.
